


sweater

by raffertysbitch



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26356198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raffertysbitch/pseuds/raffertysbitch
Summary: inspired by conan gray’s song “heather”.
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter





	sweater

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is originally posted at my ff.net account but since I got and account here, I decided to publish it here as well. Hope you enjoy.

Third of December

Her auburn hair slowly cascaded on her shoulders as the ride came to a stop. She let out a soft giggle as she looked towards him, who was looking at his other side, clearly finding someone. She shrugged at the thought of him still looking for her. She wanted this day to be fine, she wanted it to be perfect even if the whole team was there. She wanted him to somewhat pour his attention to her even if she doesn't have the rights. After all, they're not together.

Civilians vacated the ride cautiously while her, she was still stuck on thinking about him. The air was chilly, it brought her shivers that ran from the top of her spine to the lowest part of her back. She fought the tears, clearly doing a bad job on it when two fell to her freckled cheeks. She wiped it before he even notice and stood up, notifying him that they had to leave because their ticket was for a ride only. He smiled apologeticly, standing up and following her towards the exits.

No matter what she do, the air kept making her want to crawl into a hole and bury herself into a pile of blankets to somewhat make her body feel warm. She rubbed her shoulders discreetly, trying to ward off the coldness she was feeling. She doesn't even know at that moment if the coldness she was feeling was because of the weather or it's just his coldness towards her. She walked few paces ahead of him so that he can't notice her sudden change of mood.

Seconds haven't even passed yet she felt two taps on her shoulder, a sense of urgency was evident to his action. She quickly looked at him and saw that he was pointing at a small photobooth machine. His eyes had this glow of a teenager who saw his favourite band live, excitedness circulating through his veins like a rollercoaster ride as he watched her intently, waiting for her agreement. She anxiously nodded, not knowing what to do at the moment. But she didn't have to say another word because she found herself being dragged by her hands towards the machine.

He lifted the black curtains draped over the small machine and let her occupy the booth first before he entered, releasing the soft cloth from his grasps to cover them. The machine was too compact and there was barely a room for them to move, yet he still felt free- opposite to her. She hates pictures and someone taking a photo of her. She always feels that she is somewhat hideous. She hates how she looks no matter how many times everyone tells her that she's gorgeous. For her, she's nothing compared to Dana.

"I know you hate pictures but trust me, you'll love it after this." Harvey chuckled lowly as he operated the buttons. "Let's just get you to give a big smile."  
"You know I hate it. Why'd you have to ask me to have a shot here, then?" Donna mumbled softly, not letting her words get into his earshot.

Harvey finished the setting and rested his arm across her shoulders, hollering a loud "Smile, Donna!" towards her ear. She forced a big smile in the first shot and on the second. However, he made this funny face that had her bursting into fits of laughter on the third shot. They made a detective-slash-spy pose on the fourth, them using locks of her hair as a moustache-prop for the fifth, and lots of creative poses until they reached the eighth and last shot. It was only then that they noticed that their fronts were pressed to each other, her arms around his neck, his on either side of her waist. Slowly, they inched in closer. A few centimetres apart but hearts were already close together.

There was a sudden vibration.

They pulled out of their trances as they figured out it was his phone ringing. He looked at her, as if to ask for permission, but she waved him off to signal that he didn't have to. "Hello?... Yes... We'll be there... At a photo booth right now... Don't worry... Okay." He continuously said.

Donna's arms were shaking tremendously. She was huffing out large and audible gasps, forcing herself to calm down when she sensed that he was already done talking. She wiped the cascaded tears upon her cheeks while absent-mindedly combing her slightly disheveled hair, hoping that it would lessen her from trembling. His hand reached for hers, softly grabbing it. He focused on her, noticing how her face went to a deeper shade of red.

"They need us." She whispered. "We have to go."

He pulled away, scratching the back of his head. She was preparing to leave when he suddenly took off his sweater and handed it to her. "You were cold a while ago. Don't think that I didn't notice. I just didn't act fast enough." He winked at her. Donna took it from his hand and slipped it over her head, smoothing out the rest of the cloth to cover her cold body. "How about you? You'll get cold too."

"Nah, I'm good." He gave her a toothy smile and he grabbed her hand. He intertwined their fingers together as they went out of the booth to collect their picture. She had this giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach, a feeling she never felt on her entire life. A new feeling, but she loved it. She tucked a loose strand of her hair to the back of her ear when she somewhat felt shy as he saw him staring at their picture. He giggled when he stole a glance from her, seeing that she was biting her nails while he was looking at the thing in his other hand. "You look beautiful in my jacket. It suits you more than it does to me. You should wear it every day."

"That would be horrible, don't you think?" She scrunched her nose. "I would stink."  
"You're cute. I love you." He pinched her nose, pulling her hand as he started walking.

What? What? What?

Her brain was trying to register what he had just said. She was clearly taken aback of the words he uttered but she gave no signs of reaction (well, she was already dying internally). He was acting fine, as if nothing happened, as if everything's normal. No, saying 'I love you' to your best friend all of a sudden is not normal! They walked for a couple more minutes, them being side-by-side now than they were moments ago. He occasionally points to things he would deem funny, whispering to her about it while she just smile in reply, trying to play along even if she can't fully render what the hell just happened. After a minute or so, they saw the rest of the group huddled at the main hall of the amusement park, some were standing and others were sitting. He removed their intertwined fingers to approach Mike and Louis, forcing her to sit between Rachel and Katrina even if she still wanted to be with him.

"Whose sweater is that?" Rachel piped in. "As far as I remember, you left yours at your unit."  
"Harvey's" Donna answered. "He lend it to me a few minutes ago."  
"Oh, that's so kind of him!" Rachel inched closer as she said the next words. "And lucky of you."  
"Shut up." She scoffed, trying her best to hid the smile forming upon her lips from Rachel's retort.  
"What!?" Rachel laughed. "I'm just saying the truth!"  
"Stop teasing me just because he let me bor—"

Donna saw that Dana was approaching them which meant—

Dana looked absolutely perfect. From her well-tailored clothes, to every inch of her skin, there's no flaw that you can notice or even point out. She's stunning, sophisticated, gorgeous— Donna's nothing compared to her. She's a zero while Dana is a hundred. Him looking at her added fuel to the fire of her feeling insecure of her appearance. She saw that he approached her and that scenario made that good giddy feeling she felt a while ago vanish to non-existence, same with their relationship—non-existent.

Donna cannot understand what they were talking about but she could see Dana rubbing her hand up and down to her arm, much like what she did moments ago when she, herself, felt cold. Harvey tried to remove his sweater, completely forgetting that he lend it to her a while ago, being disappointed that the cloth wasn't sitting there on his body. He looked around, scanning the area, trying to remember where he had possibly leave it (her looking away to avoid him seeing that she was looking at him.) The next thing she knew, Harvey was in front of her already, one hand inside his pocket, the other scratching the back of his head.

"Hey." He tried to start with a greeting to somewhat diffuse the tension.  
"Hey." Donna smiled, trying to sound acknowledging. "Do you need your sweater back?"  
"Yeah. O-only if you don't mind." Harvey Stuttered. "It's okay if you still nee-"

Donna didn't respond but she quickly took it off, revealing her sleeveless top. She handed it to him and he started to walk away. She saw the look of horror etched upon Dana's face but she didn't care. Her heart just sunk to the deepest pit of her stomach. After all these years, he would still choose Dana over her. She saw that he handed her the sweater, Dana was even trying to protest, but he insisted that she should wear it. She didn't know what happen next, for her eyes were already clouded with tears threatening to fall down anytime. She tried her best to blink back the tears but she failed. She covered her mouth to somewhat subside her sniffles, excusing herself to go to the comfort room. The last sight she was able to process was him putting his arms around Dana's shoulders, oddly alike to what he did to her not long before.

She hated that she felt this jealousy even if she's not supposed to. She hated that she cannot even rival Dana when it comes to his heart. She hated that she's always just an option. She hated that for him, she's like that polyester sweater—useless, something he uses but he's willing to lend to others.

Is she really that desperate that she expects him even loving her back? Is she really that ambitious to just even hope that he would want her, over Dana, who's actually flawless? Is she really that naive to think that he would even look at her the same way he does to her? Is she really that numb? Is she really that willing to be a martyr... for him?

She was there for him, when no one would be. She was his go-to person, when no one would even talk to him. She has always been there when he needed someone to listen to whatever he needs to talk or even vent about. She was always around even if everyone tells her she shouldn't. Because she knew that she fell hard, she fell much more than she told herself she would. She fell fast, forgetting (or rather not even minding) the brakes.

She fell for him and now, she doesn't know how to get right back up. She can't stand up.

But she knew inside her that she loves the pain, she loves being a masochist, she loves being somewhat his slave. She loved this situation because she knew that he would keep on coming back to her if the world fails him. Because for her, he is her world. He is her moon, her stars, her whole galaxy—her everything. She just hoped that he would look at her the same way she did to him. 

She fervently hoped that someday, she'll be the one to kiss his lips, she'll be the one to wake up next to him and the one to lull him to sleep, the one he would spend mornings with, the one he would tell all his silly childhood stories to, the one he'll laugh and make jokes with, the one who gets to hear him sing, the one who gets to watch all his favourite shows with him, the one who will be there to understand him at any time of the day—the one who he will spend the rest of his life with.

With the recycled hopes installed back at her heart, stitching and patching up all the invisible wounds one by one, Donna wiped her cheeks dry, rinsing the remains of her heartbreak and sorrow down to the drain. She held her chin high, filling back her old position in for another torturous round of her fighting for him.

When will she get tired?

Never.


End file.
